Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Weed and Windblown

This story is about a day that was much like many others. Alex had gone to school and work (at least, that's what she said she was doing...but seriously, why should I care? All I know is that when she's gone, I get my best sleeping done, but I digress) and I had stayed at the condo. Later in the afternoon, my roomie returned and informed me that we were taking a trip. After she finished changing, transferring her crap from her backpack to another bag and doing whatever else she just HAD to do right then (sometimes I hate her), Alex asked me if I was "ready to go".

Tangent: I hate it when she freaking asks me that. It's like wait, hold on, I need to make sure I got everything...I mean, what do I need with me? I could totally survive in the wilderness (and not because I am so fat that I don't need to eat every day like Alex says), but because I am one with nature. Seriously. It's because I practice Buddhism. Me and the Dahli go WAY back. Plus, I mean, I try to bring stuff with me whenever we go somewhere, but I have to keep it in my beard since I don't have any pockets. Every time I get something cool that I NEED, Alex takes it out and throws it back on the ground. Pisses me off. You never know when I will need that sticker or leaf or seed. Okay, I'll continue with the story at hand.

So I was already waiting by the door and we went out the door and got in the Cougar. We took a short drive to Jameson's house...it was only a few blocks away. I, of course, hung my head out the window to check everything out. This was my first trip to this part of town and I found out that Jameson had a roommate as well. Zeke the cat. I'd smelled his scent before and wasn't surprised to find that his looks matched what I'd previously concluded. He was gray sulky character with crazy eyes and bad manners. I knew trouble when I saw it. I figured it was best to avoid him and went about my business of meeting the furniture. I met Alex's mom's cats when I was younger, but never without a chaperon. Felines are not my cup of tea.

SO while I was busy getting familiar with the layout of the house, Jameson and Alex started smoking this funny smelling stuff. I knew better than to further investigate. Once, one of Brandon's roommates (not his human), blew the same type of smoke in my face. After a brief sneezing fit, I was struck with a mighty powerful thirst.

I tried to tell Brandon to get me some water, but when I tried to talk to him, no sound came out! I was really confused then. I mean, my mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish and NOTHING was coming out! God, I wish I had been under water. Would have helped my thirst. Brandon picked up on it though and filled up a huge plastic bowl with water. I drank all of it and immediately passed the F out. Anyways, point is I'd had some experience this weird stuff before. Brandon called it "getting high". I call it getting parched. And yeah, I was still rockin' the brown spot.

While Alex and Jameson were talking about Jack in the Box (I'm not sure who he is, but if I was stuck in a box, I'm pretty sure I could get out..apparently he has been in there for awhile though) and laughing hysterically (wish they wouldn't have been able to talk...) at nothing, I was further investigating the house, never looking directly at the cat. I prefer the "head in the sand" approach to undesirables. If you can't see them, they can't see you, right? I am so freaking smart sometimes, I even amaze myself.

In no time, Alex decided it was time for a nap. I was done anyways (it was getting harder to ignore the crouching Zeke following me around) so we hopped in the Cougar and took off. The car ride home was fairly uneventful. I got hand my head out the window like normal and assess the neighborhood. It wasn't until we turned in the parking lot to the condo that things began to go awry.

Now, I will say Alex had been trying to indicate our arrival and accompanying end to our car journeys by utilizing the fear method. When we were getting close to our destination, she liked to roll my window up a little to frighten me into putting my head back in the car. Soon, I figured out her tricks and realized she was just kidding. All I got from that was I better soak up all the wind in my face I could. Besides, it's hard to look sexier than a Martini with her beard whipping in the wind. Seriously. I've been compared to a blond in a convertible and between you and me, I'm pretty sure that blond knows who is hotter. Whose got no thumbs and is good looking? Me.

Have you ever seen those don't do drugs commercials on MTV? You know the ones that talk about how your reaction time slows down? Well, I used to think the writers of those were just amateurs, but lemme tell ya, they know their stuff. Even though no one blew any smoke in my face, I guess I still managed to breath some in. Maybe the cat did it. Not sure how, but I wouldn't put it past Zeke. I told you he was weird.

Anyways, when Alex began to "hint" that we were almost there, I didn't realize it as fast as I normally would. Plus, I was under the impression she was just kidding. Added to that was the fact that Alex just kept rolling it on up...until my head wouldn't come back in the car.

Now, I don't think either of us will ever know if what she did was intentional to make me better behaved or if she was just careless. I do know that she did not react the correct way. I mean, I am her roommate. We tell each other secrets...go on walks together...she picks up my poop...I allow her to live... Never will I forget what she did next. She started to laugh!!!

Man, I wasn't pissed before, but that made me angry. Apparently the dumbass couldn't find the right button either. She would roll it down a little, but then roll it up some more. I didn't cry because I'm a baller, but if Mocha would have been in there, you would have thought an ambulance was coming. Anyways, by the time everything got figured out, we got out of the car and Alex quit her giggling, then it was nearly dinner time. So I decided to be the bigger person (figuratively of course) and not be angry. I mean, it's not really her fault she's an idiot.

Or that's the conclusion my therapist and I came to at least. Until next time, friends, stay cool.

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